ilovefuzz.com

Posted: **Wed May 25, 2016 1:42 pm**

absolutely killed it with HD's on my first 2 uni assignments. i was nervous as fuck about going back to study because i thought i'd fried my brain by being a shut-in for too long, but i guess i should give myself more credit.

Posted: **Wed May 25, 2016 3:30 pm**

bandmate bought me a ticket to go see Sunn O))) :joy:

Posted: **Wed May 25, 2016 4:56 pm**

Where is Sunn O))) playing?

Posted: **Wed May 25, 2016 5:36 pm**

NPD, which made me actually play my bass today for more than 5 minutes. Feels good to want to play again.

Posted: **Wed May 25, 2016 6:38 pm**

Played music the other day with partner and best friend, it continues to be a blast, we're increasingly ending up in weird pretty-sludge/psych rock territories completely organically, and it is lovely. We agreed to cover my favorite Smashing Pumpkins song (trollololol fuck you, billy). Nice to remember loving bass and guitar-based rock, even if i hate it.

First time speaking to a counselor in over half a decade and it felt great. Nervous as fuck about tryna hang with my (very recent) ex as friends tonight, but feeling like therapy and realizing that Mercury just went out of retrograde are giving me some clarity on where my life is at and where it is going at the moment. Plus, people are being really nice and helpful, and i've gone over twenty-four hours without crying, which is almost like happiness.

Posted: **Wed May 25, 2016 6:48 pm**

I turned in my Bachelors Thesis today!! I am soon officially educated yay :joy:

Posted: **Thu May 26, 2016 12:36 am**

I'm at work right now. It is just after midnight. I am happy. I'm smiling, even. It is my 37th birthday. I have the simplest guitar rig I have had in 20 years of playing: a Fender American Series Strat into a Roland Cube 40GX. I have paid off my taxes. I am currently in a relationship with a healthy, happy, beautiful woman who I love with all of my heart. I have a car that runs, a job that pays the bills, and a small circle of friends. I have Ben (hbomb) and Andrew to call when I need someone to talk to. I have my health and a song in my heart. I am the happiest I have been in a decade. I was going to delete my account today. That was the plan. I'm not going to. I won't be here, often. I don't collect pedals anymore and I am horrible at shilling the ones I build. I have friends here, though. You guys have been there when no one else was. I will be around. Maybe a little less frequently, definitely more mellow, but I'm here. I'm alive. I'm doing well. That beats a bitching pedalboard, in my book. Be well, motherfuckers. I love you all.

Posted: **Thu May 26, 2016 12:59 am**

Posted: **Thu May 26, 2016 2:20 am**

Night was really good.

Oh, and i started painting with Oils again. For the first time in like 8 or 9 years.

Posted: **Thu May 26, 2016 4:21 am**

Man, everyone's post on this page has made me really happy.
This is great.

I was worried about this shit storm that's brewing at work, but I'm sort of reaching a point where instead of it feeling like an axe hanging over my head, I'm ready to just say, "fuck it. You losers either get with the program or quit. I can help you, I can't make you. You be an adult and decide whether or not you want a job."
Feels good. A few weeks ago I was dreading the spearhead this all looked like it was coming to, but now I sort of feel like I'm ready to deal with it.

I've reached a point in my life where I've realised there are just shitbags and it's ok for them to suck. It doesn't mean they have to donk up my life or anyone else's. And I know feel ok with telling them to take their psychotic bullshit elsewhere.

I haven't had any sense of self-confidence or worth for a long time so it's nice to feel like the fog is lifting.