ilovefuzz.com

dubkitty wrote:this internet buying thing isn't all it's cracked up to be. i really miss the days when you could just go to a store and find what you wanted. of course, that was in San Francisco; they don't have shit for stores in Charlottesville. there isn't even a decent record store here.

Internet buying only really works when you're neurotic and wear the same clothes for years on end.

Also, yes.
Back in Texas there was a lot of variety where I lived because it had a large population and that population was mostly upper-middle class. Here, the food generally sucks unless you want to go on a half-hour drive and clothing stores only have clothes for high schoolers and construction workers.

jrfox92 wrote: Internet buying only really works when you're neurotic and wear the same clothes for years on end.

Even then it doesn't really work (unless you actually enjoy the process of mailing back the shit you don't want).

Product specs change all the time with little to no notice to consumers.

Holy shit, I am DEPRESSED.

I barely have the energy to type out why, but mostly it's that I've wasted the last decade of my life.

Next year I will have outlived my father. His birthday was today. He would have been 53 but he died 20 years ago. I was mad at him for a really long time, but the older I get and the harder things get, I totally get it. Not that I want to go down the same road, because I have my son and I care about him more than anything, but holy shit. I get it.

Isn't that a mother fucker? I am sorry that seeing it all laid out like that is painful, but as the saying goes "time makes fools of us all"..

I don't get along with my dad very well since my mom died 13 years ago, but stories like yours make me want to keep trying. Life is shit sometimes. It's ok to feel bad. At least I hope it is .. I feel bad often.

I fell into the hated habit of going into a long metal music schlong measuring conversation that lasted hours, alienating some of my less metal inclined friends and I feel like an asshole. :C

I want details, length, girth, hairy, which bands, riffs, smells .. all of it.

Yeah man I do that too sometimes. It helps to relate the entire story to your fuzz Bros.

neonblack wrote:Holy shit, I am DEPRESSED.

I barely have the energy to type out why, but mostly it's that I've wasted the last decade of my life.

Next year I will have outlived my father. His birthday was today. He would have been 53 but he died 20 years ago. I was mad at him for a really long time, but the older I get and the harder things get, I totally get it. Not that I want to go down the same road, because I have my son and I care about him more than anything, but holy shit. I get it.

You didn’t waste shit. You had a bunch of experiences, a kid, survived, made music, had friends, shitposted on ILF...

I’m in that spot where I see why people want out, too. I don’t seriously consider it, but those thoughts pop into my head. Then I read about old people who insist that happiness is a choice, not circumstantial. Then I realize that happiness and depression aren’t really on the same continuum.

You’re probably in a position to help some other people out. Become an old man. Pass your wisdom on. You already beat your dad’s high score...keep racking up points as a ‘fuck you’ to painful experiences. Spite will carry you far!

when someone you love says that you don't get excited about anything anymore, and you try to explain but have no idea how to begin explaining that what you think and the rapid internal dialogue you are constantly having with yourself rarely matches the sad, often silent, and sorry dead body that you are trapped inside in a way that will not make them even more sad or disappointed than they already are, and that you already are, with yourself

Invisible Man wrote:
You’re probably in a position to help some other people out. Become an old man. Pass your wisdom on. You already beat your dad’s high score...keep racking up points as a ‘fuck you’ to painful experiences. Spite will carry you far!

very Camus

Neon, I get how you feel man. With the father deal, that's hard a hell an and it's understandable why you'd feel the way you do with the fact that his birthday just happened. That's an awful thing and I'm sorry you've had that burden on you.

When I feel down like you are feeling, I take the time and either mentally or physically make a list of things I'm grateful for. It's easy for me to go over what I'm unhappy about but it's a challenge to do the opposite. However, when I do this, it helps me realize that I am not in as bad of a place as were I thought I was.

I've recently been almost overwhelmed with anxiety to the point of wanting to just run away from everything myself, and I have to take a step back and let it all go man. I am a firm believer in "let go and let God". If you don't believe in that, you can still apply the same principals by realizing you are not in control of everything in life. Even your emotions a lot of the time are out of your control. How you process those emotions however is something you can train yourself to do.

I recently started going to a psychologist again because of just this issue. I go every week and I probably need more, but funds won't allow it.

My point is, that if you need insight, different ways to think or just help in general. Seek it out now. Don't wait until the walls are closing in so much that they are on the verge of collapse. Seek out that help, it can change your life.

If I can help, let me know.

Keep your head up Neon. You're a solid dude who makes good on his word. You're doing a hell of a lot better job than most others in your circumstance. Trying to find some small morsel of happiness or joy isn't wasteful. Don't make any of us necromance you just to toss you off a cliff.

Another fight with my girl.

Essentially boiled down to ether I give up what little I have from music that I've struggled for this past few years or we're probably not gonna work out.

Im angry, sad and confused. Part of me wants to blame this on her mental health issues that have resurfaced recently, but im also scared that shes right.

I'm not giving up my music shit, its who I am, its the second most important thing I am next to being a father. It hasnt been a problem until recently, so I dunno what the fuck is going on.

Currently we're ok, shes chilled out which is adding weight to the theory she has that shes bipolar. If thats the case, as long as shes getting treatment I can handle it. Otherwise I dont know.

I want it to work out guys. Pray for me.

Ok. Because this hits close to home, I am going to comment and please don't take anything I say the wrong way. I believe that music is who you are and that you shouldn't give it up totally.

BUT why does she need that from you? Are you pulling your weight (be honest here)? Does she have the space/time/money to pursue her own creative output? Do you have kids together? Is it equal parenting? Maybe it is mental health stuff. Or maybe she's just upset that you get more than her, in terms of time and creative space. I know that is what it boils down to in my house.

I have talked to a lot of guys who are totally confused by their ladies getting PISSED at their hobbies. It is almost never about the actual hobby but the fact that something else is WILDLY unfair in your relationship. And statistics show us that most relationships are, in fact, crazy unfair with the distribution of household tasks, parenting, work, etc.

There has to be a compromise here, right?

Im doing the best I can as far as pulling my weight. I would like more days at my job but it was hard to even get the days I have now. Coupled with living in an expensive area, it gets tight. Taking a second job is something Im thinking about, but may not be realistic because I would never be home and wouldnt have the time.

She wants to go back to school which is great, but for us to be able to afford that I would need to work every day of the week with no off time, something we both agreed is unrealistic especially with raising a child. She wanted to use her tax return this year to go back to school since she claims our son and gets a huge return, but its all gonna be gone towards bills and helping her parents with loans, Pretty sure that has her upset too.

meanwhile im here getting my time for my music shit, but feeling like a total ass.

I didn't ask about work stuff, though. Why is that where men go in this discussion. Are the household chores even? If not, why not?

If she doesn't have any time for herself, why should you get any? I don't mean that to be confrontational, though I know some will interpret it that way. But honestly, why is your music time sacred if she doesn't have anything sacred for herself?

As far as her wanting to continue school, I very much sympathize with both of you there. I want to go back, we can't possibly afford it. So here I am, kind of stuck. But I would be that isn't really what she is very upset about.