ilovefuzz.com

There are folks I like seeing. Some are near, some are far. In a box, on a car.

I like to think that DoS hangs out on ILF because we’re his daily dose of retarded cousin. Gotta get your fix somewhere.

Few things have made me feel more peaceful and rested durinv the holidays than the thought that my extended family are thousands of miles away now.

i've given up on all my family but my younger sister. sadly she lives in colorado. i can't handle dealing with my parents or extended family anymore. it's a total train wreck. speaking of not being able to deal with my parents, i need to move the fuck out. but i need a second job...

Did you say anything to the kid afterwards? If his parents are deadbeats, he could probably use a positive role model, before he ends up actually raping someone.

I didn't jam on family time at all in my 20's.. I think that's just natural. You're still figuring out your deal and becoming a man and shit, and I found the whole thing to be real taxing. Then my mom got cancer and died slowly over the course of 4 or 5 years and we were together all the time. Once she passed I have basically no relationship with my dad, and I don't see my sister much. When we get together it's fine and not too bad, but my dad doesn't know how to relate to me and vice versa, so that's too bad.

The rest of my family is pretty decent and they are pretty fun to be around so I try to make that all happen at Christmas and saint Patty's and shit.

I kind of digressed there, but your families will be around for the most part and they will all develop and grow too, so even the ones that used to be pieces of shit may come around. We don't get to choose our family and I just try to make the best of it.

i'm not ready to let them go. but i've given up on expecting change.

I am very lonely and depressed. I'm trying to embrace the solitude but goddamn it's difficult.

Neon, I am here if you ever want to talk.

Edit: Get out and talk to people. Go to shows. Get involved locally. Do something to meet people and form friendships. Don't seclude yourself. Just trying to help. I know sometimes when I have felt that way I don't want to hear this either.

Thanks c2c. I make it a point to go hang out with work people. I play music with a couple guys once or twice a week. It's really just the end of the day when my kid is asleep and I'm sitting on the couch doing nothing for the 4th night in a row. I'm okay being single but it would be nice to have someone around sometimes. Also I was kinda drunk last night and had sort of gotten turned down by someone I thought was into me, so I may not have been in the best state of mind when I posted that.

I got ya. Someday you may learn to appreciate that quiet time or find someone meaningful. I love my kids but I really do appreciate after bedtime too. I have to be quieter obviously, but it is my time in a way, and I need that.

I definitely appreciate it like 80% of the time. I'd appreciate it more if I had a choice in the matter haha

that's why i don't drink or get my expectations up.

speaking of being alone though. i literally got too fucked up and passed out last night before i could even leave the house for my friend's show/party. and now i have to deal with the head fog of taking too much klonopin and all the gossip from last night at work.

Aw man we need to move out bad. It's cool how, for half a day, it can be a nice and relaxing Sunday morning. Then, in a flash, everything is chaos and I wish I was fucking dead.
But hey, that's the daily grind now!
I wish I hadn't wasted so much of my life doing nothing at all, maybe I'd have a job that allowed me the hope of finding a decent place.

Holy crap, depression is weird. Sometimes I feel like wires are crossed in my mind. Stuff that I find funny makes me cry sometimes now? Well a lot of things do. But it's not full on bawling. I just sob and tear up for a few seconds and it passes. Also my perception of time is all fucked up. And then the usual, no motivation, loss of interest in things I enjoy, and a general sense of "what the fuck am I doing?"

I feel like a broken record. I need to see a therapist. Also a dentist.

I am honestly wondering how many people will close their businesses and go work for a corporation next year. I am just terrified by the tax law and repeal of healthcare.

If we can't afford healthcare (it would be way over $1000 a month for all of us), and our taxes go up, and we can't deduct all the things we could before, how the fuck are we supposed to keep going? Their BS tax bill is causing me the MOST anxiety.

I have never hated anything more than I hate our current government. We work so hard and we have so much cool shit in the pipeline and I am so mad that rich fucks have jeopardized it all just so they can have MORE FUCKING MONEY.