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Disarm D'arcy wrote:Amber clouds was it? I remember wondering why you stopped playing with them, I like that dreamy new wave.

They wanted to make it big. Travel, play gigs all the time. I don't really need or want that. I like the occasional gig, but it's really all about having fun for me. Music is my hobby. It was really that simple.

Understandable. Have quit bands for the exact same reason in the past

stuck at work for 6 more hours. fucking fall back bullshit.

I fucked up bad marriage-wise. Like really bad. Things blew up at the beginning of summer, then the long slow dread of uncertainty, followed by an even bigger blow up at the end of summer.

Then, I thought things were getting better. I saw hope. Then came the depression. Both of us, but her worse than me I think.

Now I'm feeling pretty pessimistic. Not sure if this is able to be fixed. I may have fucked this up beyond all repair. I might have to watch everything I love fall apart right in front of me. I feel like she doesn't ever want to be around me now. I feel like I'm holding her and our son back from a normal, happy life. I don't want to fuck them up any worse but I can't stand the thought of having to go on without them in my life. I feel worse than I have ever felt in my life. I've failed as a father, a husband, and a human being.

If you ever want to find out exactly how much you're capable of hurting someone, marry them and never deal with any of your personal issues ever, until they explode and ruin both your lives.

I'll probably delete this in the morning. Just needed to get it off my chest.

Fell free to reach out, man.

She just told me she's leaving me. I don't know what I'm going to do. I want to die.

stay strong homie.. it's not the end.

Hang in there man. Reach out if you feel the need to

I am so sorry, Neon. Wishing you peace and healing. If you need to talk, I am here.

Thanks everyone. I don't know what to do right now. I don't know if this is permanent. I just know I'm feeling extremely hopeless right now. Once she leaves town, there's nothing left for me here. I don't know if I should follow her and try to start over there or stay here and just work constantly, or do something crazy and pack up and leave too. I do have a stable place to live, but she and my son are the only things that make that house tolerable. Otherwise it's just me and the old man, and we don't exactly get along great. But I owe him all kinds of money so it's kind of a weird situation.

I'm seriously thinking some kind of big life change wouldn't be bad for me.

Maybe I could move to Eau Claire and build fuzz and let the lakes and snow calm my fiery heart. Or like, Alaskan crab fishing or something. I just want to disappear.

neonblack wrote:
Maybe I could move to Eau Claire and build fuzz and let the lakes and snow calm my fiery heart.

Might be good for a while.

resincum wrote:stay strong homie.. it's not the end.

Disarm D'arcy wrote:Hang in there man. Reach out if you feel the need to

^^^

D.o.S. wrote:

resincum wrote:stay strong homie.. it's not the end.

Disarm D'arcy wrote:Hang in there man. Reach out if you feel the need to

^^^

for real. shoot me a text today or tomorrow if you just want to shoot the breeze.
maybe things get a little uncomfortable and fucky for a few days but they might right themselves okay in the end.
not easy to stay positive, i know, but getting it off your chest might make you feel a bit better.

D.o.S. wrote:

resincum wrote:stay strong homie.. it's not the end.

Disarm D'arcy wrote:Hang in there man. Reach out if you feel the need to

^^^

Seriously, don't hesitate to reach out if you need to

Eivind August wrote:My mother passed away on tuesday. In a way, it was good since she was heavily reduced by the cancer the last few weeks, but obviously it also sucks. So yeah. As mentioned, I'm not super comfortable about posting personal stuff on here, but since ILFriends are IRLfriends, yeah. Fuck cancer.

Oh, and I've got the SS stuff sorted, so I still have ILFmas to look forward to.

I'm so sorry, and sorry for not seeing this sooner. My deepest sympathies.