ilovefuzz.com

When you're the only person on lunch break with another staff member and they kill conversation, roll a cigarette and walk away.
Awkward. I don't think I'll be here when she gets back.

So I'm not angry today, but yesterday was quite possibly one of the most trying days of my life.

I woke up to a message from my brother, who was attacking me and questioning me about my decision to be in the fitness industry and the business I'm co-owner of. He tried to make it sound like it was out of love, but it was out of pure ignorance that he said some of the things he said. He basically told me he thinks I'm a fool and that I made a mistake. He knew personal things that I had spoken to my father in confidence about.

So I called my father, who got defensive before I even made an accusation and he hung up on me. He claimed to have not said anything to my brother about me.

Then I talk to my other brother and find out my sister is also talking poorly about me. Saying that because I spend most of my time at home raising my daughter and not at a regular job that I'm not a good husband to my wife.

So why does this bother me so much? Well, when you think people love you, the people who are supposed to love you and they just stab you in the back, it kind of messes with your head.

Since I was young, my father has never been supportive of anything I wanted to do with my life. He was a terrible father and he beat the shit out of me on a regular basis, so I'm not even sure why I care what he thinks. For some reason I do. It doesn't matter what field of work I wanted to go into either. That doesn't make good money or you'll not be able to find a job. Those are the things I've heard my whole like.

I'm almost 34 years old and I've been listening to this toxic bullshit since I was old enough to work. I have worked my ass off and this is the ONLY year of my life I haven't worked a full time job.

I don't want to admit this, but yesterday I actually felt suicidal.I haven't felt that way since I was drinking. That was almost 7 years ago.

My point is, life can suck sometimes. I am glad I'm ok today, but yesterday was horrible. It's a sad feeling when everyone in your life seems to be a piece of shit except you wife and children.

that sucks dude, my dad is also an asshole, I haven't seen him in two years and don't talk to him. he was always trying to control what I was doing and it was driving me insane. I think some people feel pressure to spend time or care about their family regardless of how you might really feel, and I think that's bullshit too, you shouldn't reward people who are not kind to you.

I feel like if you're doing the best to be a good father and husband, and your wife and kids love and appreciate you, then you're doing something right. And if your fam can't see that, that's on them. I know I don't know you very well, Jwar, but I know you're loved around these parts, and everything I've ever seen or hear about you leads me to believe you're a good person.

I came here to say, that while I genuinely love my job as a photojournalist, starting your day with covering a head-on collision with at least one fatality is a total bummer.

Thanks guys!

Yea fuck that noise jwar. That's all t is. Noise. Your a dope ass person and from what I've seen and excellent father. Glad to hear your able to keep above crap like that.

Maybe they're just jelly of dem gainz.

I live with retards.

Sorry, that's not sensitive. I live with a pair of spittle-oozing, mundane as fuck, insignificant wastes of sperm and eggs.

Fucking Windows 10 automatically installed itself onto my PC. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck offf.

Yeah, fucking thing is a cuntlord.

Luckily, I am on a track to changing careers to something I am deeply passionate about....BUT my job is quite literally getting in the way of me making the progress I need in that passion, as well as simple things like enjoying my time outside of work. We are down nearly a third of our full staff, and instead of people stepping up and helping each other out, they are bickering and fighting (nearly literally fighting), showing up to work drunk/stoned, and getting fired. Leaving those of us who have no choice but to work there with extra work. I now have to work shittier shifts since NO ONE ELSE can do it. This is what I get for staying with my company for so long. "Oh, you know how to do 'x?' Cool, then you can do MORE stuff."

I have a show lined up for next week and since my workplace is in a constant state of chaos, I get to play that show and then wake up at 5AM the next day
I really really really want to see Cephalic Carnage play tomorrow, buuuuuut same deal.

I can't wait to get out.

just had to vent.

jwar, dude.
It sucks majorly to have that sort of judgment come down from family, because they're your family. But don't let the "work myth" get you down (I doubt it is, actually). Our generation's parents grew up in an age where they were told that worth came from working yourself to the bone, even if it wasn't something you loved. The 40 hour work week is unnecessary bullshit propagated by our money-driven society, and money is fake, so..... Without derailing myself, I'll just say that no one has the right to tell you how to live your life. If you are spending your time doing things you love and being with your daughter, then you're doing it right. I hope things smooth out for you and your family!

Thanks to all! Things are fine, I just have to remember to be true to myself no matter what. Other people are self projecting or just being ignorant.

Motherfucking LAL 88 got delivered to the wrong house. No clue which one.

neonblack wrote:Motherfucking LAL 88 got delivered to the wrong house. No clue which one.

Maybe they already know who you're going to flip it to?

LOLOLOLOLOL

TOO SOON.

show tonight. Playing in a cover band and playing out with my improv techno duo for the first time. Our mixer might have broken last night. Tryna start a second job, feels do able but wildly outside my realm of experience. Just been a stressful week but tryna stay chill.