ilovefuzz.com

.. nothing like waiting 20 minutes in line .. for .. a Cold Coffee .

Feeling like I'm always under control of someone else, at home / at work/ at every where. And then when i do stand up for myself they shit all over for being a bad person in an attempt to control me even more, or if I do find something where I'm in control (such as band activities) they make me feel like shit for having something that makes me happy. So fucking tired of this life, I truly hate the human race as a whole, my self included, and if I could financially afford it I would gladly become a luddite hermit to get away from everything for ever. So tired of being held with no respect by the people that couldn't survive without me.

You'd need to be a luddite hermit with electricity though.

D.o.S. wrote:You'd need to be a luddite hermit with electricity though.

You are correct but:

Living off the grid is illegal now, so I'd still be forced by someone else to be that.....

Ancient Astronaught wrote:

D.o.S. wrote:You'd need to be a luddite hermit with electricity though.

You are correct but:

Living off the grid is illegal now, so I'd still be forced by someone else to be that.....

Big hug for you, Skip, you cranky grizzly bear.
Not to pry, but you been checked for depression and/or anxiety?
Those sound like things I said when it me real hard after my son was born.
Could just be baby blues dude. They do go eventually.
I found when sleep became more frequent.
Not even kidding. You're brain is useless without sleep.

But what the fuck? How's it illegal to go off the grid?

Depends on where you are -- it's not illegal up here in the woods.

Iommic Pope wrote:But what the fuck? How's it illegal to go off the grid?

Because Big Brother needs to watch us so laws are created to make it easier for them to do it.

Snip. I get angry.

Waterpipe in front of my house broke this morning, my entire garden is ruined and the repairs are going to make me hurl, and I wasn't able to shower, which triggers my anxiety. Oh glorious morning.

Iommic Pope wrote:Big hug for you, Skip, you cranky grizzly bear.
Not to pry, but you been checked for depression and/or anxiety?
Those sound like things I said when it me real hard after my son was born.
Could just be baby blues dude. They do go eventually.
I found when sleep became more frequent.
Not even kidding. You're brain is useless without sleep.

But what the fuck? How's it illegal to go off the grid?

Thanks bud.

Yup, pretty bad case of both at the moment especially depression. It's not baby blues, my daughter is the only good thing I got going right now. It's work and my fiance that are tearing me down. But its a domino effect, the wife is what brings me down so I go to work not int he greatest mood and the guys here tear me apart over it because they like to push buttons and can't respect that "yo dude I'm not int he mood to talk to anyone right now cause I got heavy shit going on". So that compounds on top of the relationship issues and then i go home and the cycle starts over again.

There's definitely a lack of sleep element at play, in the past 3 months I can count on one hand the number of times I've gotten a solid night of sleep. Stress and panic wake me up out of a dead sleep at least once a night if not 2 or 3, to the point that I fainted while taking a piss at 5am less than a week ago. But I have no choice as I'm the sole provider for the family and theres five of us, I can't take a break without negatively impacting atleast 4 other peoples lives. And the fact that i need a break is part of the relationship problems because teh fiance thinks at that point I don't want o be around her or I'm ignoring her. It's all a vicious hideous circle where every one relies on me and nobody respects me so I just feel like I'm getting used and eventually wear down and give in but when I give in the fiance complains that I have no confidence (even though when i do have confidence shes does everything she can to break it down so she can control me).

I'm just fucking done, I can't win if I try and I can't win if I give up or walk away. Yet again I'm trapped in a feeling that I am on this earth to suffer for the betterment of others...



Oh and its illegal in quite a few parts of our country to live off the grid due to fucked up zoning laws. No house can be built or occupied if not hooked up to all basic utilities such as electricity and water / sewage (unless you have a well / sump). They do this because the utility companies want to force customers to buy from them so they lobby the government to make loop hole laws that force you to use them under the guise of "if everyone pitches in then everyone has to pay less", even though the price only goes up and never goes down even when 10,000 new people come to our county...

Ancient Astronaught wrote:Feeling like I'm always under control of someone else, at home / at work/ at every where. And then when i do stand up for myself they shit all over for being a bad person in an attempt to control me even more, or if I do find something where I'm in control (such as band activities) they make me feel like shit for having something that makes me happy. So fucking tired of this life, I truly hate the human race as a whole, my self included, and if I could financially afford it I would gladly become a luddite hermit to get away from everything for ever. So tired of being held with no respect by the people that couldn't survive without me.

sometimes .. i make a point of going out .. just for a simple task. like - getting a coffee.
i make a really Dumb point - of taking my time. paying attention to everything around me.
the amount of times > i see so much BullShit .. from peoples careless Driving. to people acting like Jerks to service people.
Just crap sometimes

an example.

i take 5 minutes. to go Drive and get a coffee.
the amount of Douche Bags that drive .. like they have a micro penis. is Insane - sometimes.

the amount of times .. my " One Black Coffee Please " has been giving to me Wrong. is too many.
( i'm the ONLY person in line sometimes ) how do you get .. ONE black Coffee wrong??

when i'm already down. and thinking too much. sometimes those little things .. seem like a Big problem

Focusing on your Own Goodness - and Forgetting about the Buzz of Bullshit can be hard.
sometimes it Really is .. just Perspective.
and. You Can change Negative thoughts.

D.o.S. wrote:....When your package is marked as 'delivered' but you were home all day and it wasn't with the mail.

Shining a brighter light: It came!

Sparrow wrote:sometimes .. i make a point of going out .. just for a simple task. like - getting a coffee.
i make a really Dumb point - of taking my time. paying attention to everything around me.
the amount of times > i see so much BullShit .. from peoples careless Driving. to people acting like Jerks to service people.
Just crap sometimes

an example.

i take 5 minutes. to go Drive and get a coffee.
the amount of Douche Bags that drive .. like they have a micro penis. is Insane - sometimes.

the amount of times .. my " One Black Coffee Please " has been giving to me Wrong. is too many.
( i'm the ONLY person in line sometimes ) how do you get .. ONE black Coffee wrong??

when i'm already down. and thinking too much. sometimes those little things .. seem like a Big problem

Focusing on your Own Goodness - and Forgetting about the Buzz of Bullshit can be hard.
sometimes it Really is .. just Perspective.
and. You Can change Negative thoughts.

I wish I could get out, to take in the little things and get some perspective. But if I leave It's usually requested that I come back as soon as possible if she doesn't immediately think that I'm leaving to try and avoid her. It honestly feels as if she doesn't want me to enjoy anything in life because she feels she gets no joy out of life and the things in her life cause her stress and depression. It's a fucked up situation.

I am usually a very positive person, and even thats been a angle of argument. I try and maintain a positive outlook that we can sort through our issues and get back on track but since she can't feel positivity in herself she cuts me down for feeling in an attempt to level the playing field. I've been trying to change negative thoughts for 3 years but it seems to finally feeling like a fruitless effort, and I can't find a positive attitude to fix things between us within me anymore, it along with the spark of our relationship is gone. I've been trying for 3 months to restore the spark but she keeps pushing me further away or doing something to put a huge roadblock in front me. She says she wants it to work out, but her actions say other wise. I have no idea what to feel or think anymore, the choice has been put to me as either get married with no emotional connection between us to keep up the outside image that things are fine in hopes that one day before my daughter turns 18 we can work things out or we call everything off and break up the family.

Just shoot me now.

no good dude.

Inconuucl wrote:Waterpipe in front of my house broke this morning, my entire garden is ruined and the repairs are going to make me hurl, and I wasn't able to shower, which triggers my anxiety. Oh glorious morning.

I went through that not to long ago. My drain plugged before I redid my bathroom because the epoxy (yes, someone painted the tile) flaked off and finally blocked the drain. had to crawl under the house and replace the drain. Sucked not taking a shower.

My water heater and a bunch of galvie pipes broke during demo in my kitchen. Had to cut a hole in the subfloor and repipe it earlier than I wanted. It was awgul not having a shower. Worst part was though that was when I near cut to the bone on my finger throwing a matress into a dumpster (that someone left on my roof, i don't know why). I had no water to wash my hand and had to ask my neighbor to use a water hose.

I guess I am lucky I am a plumber. It will be fine man.