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So now I'm not only feeling incredibly lost about what the hell I'm doing with my life, but now I'm feeling like the end of my relationship is in sight

If it does end, I know it won't be a bad breakup, more just one of those things that didn't work out because of life situations..... but still. After my 3 year relationship that ended almost six years ago, I thought I would have found something real solid by now. Apparently I don't know how to pick them.

For now though, we're waiting to see how things pan out. I just have to focus real hard on positive things, though, because I don't want any self-fulfilling prophecies.

Today was my first day back at work after the accident before Christmas.
I really wish I had another job to start at.
When I was recovering I did some major reassessment of my life and realised I spend way too much time stressing and doing things that I feel I HAVE to do, and not enough things that I love or feel passionate about.
I can't even loathe that job anymore, I feel nothing now.
I don't feel the frustration or rage anymore I just don't feel connected to it.

A bunch of major changes were instated while I was away and I wasn't informed to any of them, which would usually turn bile production into overdrive, but, I could just care less.

Im really not good at conflict within my releationship. I freak out way to easy and leave us both drained without really addressing anything. Ugh. Gotta figure this shit out.

Also someone at work left me a sticky note that says "guess who?" with what looks like a mishappen heart at the bottom on the question mark and Im totally getting wrapped up into what the fuck it means.

Dumb dumb dumb.

kbithecrowing wrote:Im really not good at conflict within my releationship. I freak out way to easy and leave us both drained without really addressing anything. Ugh. Gotta figure this shit out.

Also someone at work left me a sticky note that says "guess who?" with what looks like a mishappen heart at the bottom on the question mark and Im totally getting wrapped up into what the fuck it means.

Dumb dumb dumb.

Write a response with a sticky note glued to the first one, sth like "George Washington, is that you?"

Also, if you get that anxiety attack, just remember to breathe deeply and slowly until your first salvum of emotions passes. Emotions/chemicals degrade after max 5 minutes if you don't mentally perpetuate them so you can talk with a clear mind/heart. Breathing consciously is generally a great stress reliever.

I know how you feel and generally think that the Japanese slower way of discourse is superior to the western "interrogation style". I'm slower of wit too so it suits me for that reason as well

Maybe it's supposed to be a lumpy butt?
Does anyone in your office have a lumpy butt?

A lot of them, actually
I just checked with my one coworker who didn't leave it, and its getting harder to think about anyone else who could have possibly done it but this one individual... but it could be a mind trap. Must do handwritting comparison when I get in the office tomorrow. Luckily not many peopke get here at 7am.

alexa. wrote:

kbithecrowing wrote:Im really not good at conflict within my releationship. I freak out way to easy and leave us both drained without really addressing anything. Ugh. Gotta figure this shit out.

Also someone at work left me a sticky note that says "guess who?" with what looks like a mishappen heart at the bottom on the question mark and Im totally getting wrapped up into what the fuck it means.

Dumb dumb dumb.

I know how you feel and generally think that the Japanese slower way of discourse is superior to the western "interrogation style". I'm slower of wit too so it suits me for that reason as well

Im also slower of wit so I will certianly keep that in mind, as well as the breathing. I assume we'll have a calmer conversation after work so I will give em a try.

& thanks for always being super genuine and helpful with your input, with me and others. It doesnt go unnoticed

I have run out of shelf space for my records, so they're staying in the packaging that they've arrived in.

Instead of being responsible and buying more shelves, I just keep buying more records.

Producing so many of these "diversity and inclusion" and "cultural competency" training course for companies, organizations, etc., for my day job, has made me super jaded on the subject. If everyone knew what went into making them, they would realize that the people and groups that are most vocal about being opposed to prejudice are usually the most prejudiced. It gets really disgusting after a while. Have a favourite charity or non profit or something that helps underprivileged groups or whatever? Dudes, you don't want to have anything to do with those people. I have probably done work for them, and they're assholes, trust me.

As a person who works for a not for profit assisting people with disabilities and knows a lot of deeply passionate coworkers, i disagree with your blanket statement. However i dont doubt you've come in contact with some real assholes.

kbithecrowing wrote:A lot of them, actually
I just checked with my one coworker who didn't leave it, and its getting harder to think about anyone else who could have possibly done it but this one individual... but it could be a mind trap. Must do handwritting comparison when I get in the office tomorrow. Luckily not many peopke get here at 7am.

Found out who it was, apparently I am as much of a gay heart throb as my girlfriend says I could be

I can't name any of the groups for confidentiality reasons, but it's seriously so many of them. In my almost 6 years with this company, I have done work for probably close to 100 different companies and organizations. I'm sure there are some good ones out there, but from my work it seems like they must be few and far between. There have been only a few that I liked working with, and they were generally the ones least concerned with those sorts of issues. I haven't done much work with disability groups like you mentioned. It's mostly things for race, gender, orientation, etc.

It's just gotten a little depressing.

So, I'm talking to this girl. We have been talking for a month. Good morning, good night, chat all day. She pays extra on her cellphone so she can call me. (I'm in America, she is in Canada, but ironically, she lives 30 minutes closer than the last two girls I dated who live in the same state.) We make each other mixtapes. We talk until after midnight on the phone. It is all very fun and flirty, but there's a bit of a hitch. She is very careful with her affections and I am pretty loose with mine. I honestly feel like I could be in love with her, but I don't want to fall if she doesn't. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

If a girl is going out of her way for you that's a good sign.

jfrey wrote:I can't name any of the groups for confidentiality reasons, but it's seriously so many of them. In my almost 6 years with this company, I have done work for probably close to 100 different companies and organizations. I'm sure there are some good ones out there, but from my work it seems like they must be few and far between. There have been only a few that I liked working with, and they were generally the ones least concerned with those sorts of issues. I haven't done much work with disability groups like you mentioned. It's mostly things for race, gender, orientation, etc.

It's just gotten a little depressing.

Eesh well, that does sound depressing. Curious, what positions do the people hold that you work with?

It's generally mid level people I think. I don't know what their exact titles are. It's always like a "word salad." Director of something and something else. Assistant liaison to something or other in charge of like eight other words.

Hahaha yeah I know what you mean, dumb names that dont really tell you much of anything. & it doesnt surprise me that the people who dont do direct service can come off shitty; in my experience those mid level people are more likely to be less with it in terms or empathy. Which isnt to say that all direct service staff are better/good people (definitely have some bad examples In my agency).