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i feel like a spectator watching through a window as my life goes by. i'm trying to figure out how to get on the other side of the glass, but i'm so alienated from myself that really basic stuff goes by. i just don't feel like me (the amount of medication i'm on now may be related to this). i'm right there with you, chuck,,,i also feel lost and alone in a world that just wasn't meant for me. i'm also fighting to give a shit, and i'm also bone-tired from it. but i have a job, and a place tro live, such as it is.

i've said it before, but if i hadn't had my cat to take care of and the job here hadn't happened i'd probably shot myself in Pocatello. that's a lot of weight for a furry little creature to carry, but she loves me so much that i can't leave her. i'd have lost her anyway without the job, because i'd have been homeless in the frozen tundra in January,

dubkitty wrote:i feel like a spectator watching through a window as my life goes by. i'm trying to figure out how to get on the other side of the glass, but i'm so alienated from myself that really basic stuff goes by. i just don't feel like me (the amount of medication i'm on now may be related to this). i'm right there with you, chuck,,,i also feel lost and alone in a world that just wasn't meant for me. i'm also fighting to give a shit, and i'm also bone-tired from it. but i have a job, and a place tro live, such as it is.

i've said it before, but if i hadn't had my cat to take care of and the job here hadn't happened i'd probably shot myself in Pocatello. that's a lot of weight for a furry little creature to carry, but she loves me so much that i can't leave her. i'd have lost her anyway without the job, because i'd have been homeless in the frozen tundra in January,

Participate in life. If that's too much, describe what you are seeing and experiencing. If that is too much, observe and contemplate until you are strong enough.

Otters hold each other's hands when they sleep so they don't drift apart.

Good peeps here.

I just got called in to work later this evening. Someone is taking a vacation next week and I have to cover some shifts. I'm probably going to have to work another 7 day stretch. If they don't give me my requested time off (after working at least one 7 day stretch so someone could vacation once already) an I have to do a second 7-day, I'm probably going to lose my shit. I wish I had something to fall back on so I could tell them to fuck off. Ever since I moved to this new location, my job has progressively screwed up my life more and more, and I moved here to do the exact opposite.

Chuckjaywalk I have those social alienation skills too. But don't try to let it get you too down I have a very similar thing about eye contact. Because I'm terrible at reading body language, to gauge people's reactions and mood I read way too much into people's tone of voice and facial expressions. So, everywhere I go I use the 1000-yard stare to get me through.

My roommate doesn't know how to keep our living quarters cool even though it's hot out. It's going to be 90+ degrees again today and she left for work this morning leaving her window open and fans on.

Leaving the window open negates whatever I do to try and keep the apartment cool. Fans don't actually cool anything down unless they're pumping hot air out of a room, or pumping cold air into it. Fans actually make the air warmer because of friction. The reason it feels cool sitting in front of a fan is because the air isn't body temperature, if it was body temperature you'd feel like you were in a furnace. Convection ovens have fans for a reason.

I tried to talk to her about this last summer when I moved in, but she claimed keeping the windows closed "didn't help." I'm going to ask her to shut her window and turn off her fans when she leaves for work. Maybe it's different in an apartment, but I was able to keep a house without air conditioning consistently below 70° in spite of the 100°+ weather outside, by shutting the windows in the morning and not running fans during the day. If I ran fans during the day they always made the house warmer than if I left them off. End rant.

I need these internship people to get back to me about when I'm supposed to come in and work. I have way too much time on my hands and I can't stop focusing on tiny problems and getting too worked up about them.

The depression has stricken me of enjoying even the most basic joys that I've held close during other rough episodes, in the past. Even when totally excited to play music, I sit down to play and suddenly find I don't even care enough to. Everything is going through the motions and it gets harder and harder to justify them. I'm calling a new psychiatrist tomorrow for a re-eval and maybe a medication, but truthfully, the inefficacy that the system has provided me in over 15 years of dealing with this gives me no faith in it whatsoever. Another going-through-the-motion.

On the plus side, I just learned how to properly cool a common area with fans. Thanks, wfs1234!

That sucks friendship I hope you can find someone who'll be able to help you with your depression

The only thing I didn't mention with the cooling thing is you have to wait till the temperature outside drops to at least the same level as it is inside or you're not going to get very good results. It's easier to cool down a warm house than a hot house.

And i've found a buyer for my EGC. It's a shame, but I need the money.

It's been a fun 2 months.

wfs1234 wrote:That sucks friendship I hope you can find someone who'll be able to help you with your depression

The only thing I didn't mention with the cooling thing is you have to wait till the temperature outside drops to at least the same level as it is inside or you're not going to get very good results. It's easier to cool down a warm house than a hot house.

Thanks. I have to try to remember that my grim expectations are part and parcel of the disease and just push through trying.

chuckjaywalk wrote:Participate in life. If that's too much, describe what you are seeing and experiencing. If that is too much, observe and contemplate until you are strong enough.

This is excellent advice.

I made some dumb (but totally worth it) financial choices and currently have $2 and some change to make it until Friday.

RICE AND GRITS-A-THON 2014

My alarm straight up didn't go off today. THANKS, WAKING UP LATE AND STRESSED IS A REAL NICE WAY TO START THE DAY.

I hurt today. Half-smiling makes me face ache.

monkeydancer wrote:My alarm straight up didn't go off today. THANKS, WAKING UP LATE AND STRESSED IS A REAL NICE WAY TO START THE DAY.

That happened to me yesterday. Nothing like missing a client appointment and making yourself look like a dick. UGH.


Bros! BROS! Everyone in here needs to be happy.

Coworker showed me a video that was posted online by someone else of a mother and SMALL child in a swimming pool- the kid couldn't have been 2 yet. She said 'Lets see if he floats' and dunked him, as everyone was shouting NO DON'T. Then even after that, she said 'lets see if he can swim yet!' and let go of him in the pool for a few seconds as he is clearly unable to swim. Ugh.

skullservant wrote:Coworker showed me a video that was posted online by someone else of a mother and SMALL child in a swimming pool- the kid couldn't have been 2 yet. She said 'Lets see if he floats' and dunked him, as everyone was shouting NO DON'T. Then even after that, she said 'lets see if he can swim yet!' and let go of him in the pool for a few seconds as he is clearly unable to swim. Ugh.

some people literally belong in a garbage

I almost feel like there should be a written test you should have to pass before reproducing