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External hard drive with boku irreplaceables just shat as I was preparing tonight's radio show. HEADDESK

My emotional life has been in a whirlwind as of late. I had to take a night off of work due to stress, then the next night I broke down crying in front of my superior and left early. They've seemingly been very understanding and are giving me some time off but I'm also scared that they're going to let me go / be limiting in any promotional possibilities because of it. & my worries have had me scope out other jobs just in case and I'm finding nothing / have no idea what I'd want to do. Also, my relationship is wonderful and scaring the shit out of me all at once. Also also, I haven't been able to sleep normally for I don't know how many weeks.

I just want my mind to be still.

Look up up some stuff on mindfulness meditation. Sam Harris also has a talk on youtube called "Death and the Present Moment," which sounds pretty heavy but helped me immensely when I was having crazy anxiety a couple months back. Here's a little guided mediation, if you're open to that sort of thing
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdi1AQyyjNA[/youtube]

I mean to meditate way more often than I do for more or less the same reasons I'm recommending it to you. One reason I like playing droned-out noise is because while I'm making it, it's hard for me to focus on anything else. Oftentimes when I'm done playing for an hour or so, I feel like I'm stoned or something, only just more clear-headed. I would venture a guess that if you played some improv for a good long while it would have the same effect.

You do have a stressful job. It might just be me, but it doesn't seem like the kind of thing most people could do for years and years.
Like taking care of people with dementia or something. So draining.

Shit. I slept all day. No sun for me.

Yeah ddefinitely not a job I could keep forever. At least not so heavily involved with direct crisis work. Im switching my schedule which sshould help.

& thank you for that guided meditation link. I will likely do that later tonight, its been good for me in the past. I will look up that talk as well.

I've been watching Balmorhea on youtube and it's making me want to play my acoustic guitar.....but my acoustic guitar is still at the ex-girlfriend's house in another city over an hour away.

gunslinger_burrito wrote:I've been watching Balmorhea on youtube and it's making me want to play my acoustic guitar.....but my acoustic guitar is still at the ex-girlfriend's house in another city over an hour away.

Balmorhea's Constellations is my favourite album of any genre of all time.

Yeah, I learned about them from you!
It's just the kind of stuff I feel like playing right now. I can pull it off on one of my electrics, but acoustic....sigh. I do have a banjo now, though. I just want to move on but there's that loose end left. And I still have to give her the xmas gift I got before we split up. And I'm trying not to think about how she's probably seeing that other dude.

Fuck it, I'm going to play computer games until I pass the fuck out.

I just feel like I should give up music.

Girl that broke up with me is reverse stalking me. She knows I want her back, she dosent want to come back, but she won't stop calling me a thousand times a day. I might actually change my number.

snipelfritz wrote:I just feel like I should give up music.

Don't do it! Are you just uninspired, too busy ????

snipelfritz wrote:I just feel like I should give up music.

Same. Don't sell your gear or anything like that, though. Maybe just take a break and get into something else for a little while.
Sometimes I can go a month without touching a guitar and I come back less pessimistic about music afterward.

I was in the same boat as you guys not just a week ago. I tuned one of the project guitars to a tuning I don't use that often and put really heavy strings on it (I only went from drop Bb down to drop A, but the big strings!!!!) and it's like playing a totally different instrument. Or I'll learn a new style. Learning new scales and styles is like playing video games for me; practice can take the place of writing for a while. It helps me to get re-inspired by trying things that are out of my usual element. Or sometimes taking a break and playing a shitload of video games does the trick

my two cents s

i'm so inundated with stuff to deal with that i can't even think about playing right now...my guitars are still in the truck because i have no idea where to put that many thingd in this place, which is already crowded as is.

i'm also overwhelmed with trying to get ready to work, getting my medication re-sourced which means finding a doctor locally, and trying to do basically anything other than sleep. i'm still fried from the trip and sleep is also my favorite avoidance behavior.