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dubkitty wrote: i think i've been paralyzed so long that i can't get unstuck.

I think people tend to live their lives in patterns and habits, and since it's been such rough going for you, it's like your unconscious is expecting things to go sour again. Just try your best to tell it to shut the fuck up and stick to your plan. Try not to allow your dread to get the better of your actions so you don't end up with self-fulfilling prophecies. It sounds like you found a pretty decent gig, so focus on that, and not on the past. Just my two cents

fishtankdork wrote:
ugh. most horrible diner ever, as shes holding my hand, telling me how much she cares about me, and how she wants to remain a big part of my life as a friend. and that i have to prove myself to be with her again. wtf is that shit. duo-sonic 2 i think ur right. to the bar by myself again.

I more or less agree with what everyone else said. I just lost my girlfriend over the weekend, and when she came to my place to tell me what was going on, I told her straight-up, "I cannot and will not do an on-off relationship. You have to decide, and you're only getting one chance." The next day I spent all day realizing all the reasons that it would be better for us to split up, one of the reasons being that I wasn't seeing enough of her, and on top of that, she said that "she might need more time to herself" (even though we live in separate cities......). I realized that it was too much emotional stress for me, and a relationship shouldn't be like that.

So yeah, it's probably best for you to tell your ex that it's time to move on. And this is just my opinion/two cents/whatever, but I wouldn't rely on the bar to make yourself forget or move on. You gotta go do the things that make you feel good about yourself.

gunslinger_burrito wrote:

dubkitty wrote: i think i've been paralyzed so long that i can't get unstuck.

I think people tend to live their lives in patterns and habits, and since it's been such rough going for you, it's like your unconscious is expecting things to go sour again.

exACTly. thank you for articulating that...i knew it was in there somewhere, but couldn't nail it down.

dubkitty wrote:

gunslinger_burrito wrote:

dubkitty wrote: i think i've been paralyzed so long that i can't get unstuck.

I think people tend to live their lives in patterns and habits, and since it's been such rough going for you, it's like your unconscious is expecting things to go sour again.

exACTly. thank you for articulating that...i knew it was in there somewhere, but couldn't nail it down.

Sounds like you need my homework from therapy this week. We are identifying unhelpful thinking styles. *In fact I just found the module online. Have a gander.*
http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/docs/BB-5-Unhelpful%20Thinking%20Styles.pdf

back from the bar wasted all teary eyed upset hugging my cat. thankyou guys for the replies. you are all right fuck her. i just dont know about shit anymore. i do good in life (money wise), i always have a roof over my head and whatever gear i want so i dont know why i bitch) just moving to Nashville fucked everything up mentally again for me. the music scene here blows, and ima yankee so adjustment in the bible belt is fucking crazy to begin with, the people move like they are in fucking molasses here for whatever reason, maybe cause of the non existent local music scene this is the first fucking city ive ever moved too where i dont have any true friends. no one to talk too when i just feel fed up with life. i love this forum. i think about 300 of my posts have been in the past year just because i feel normal here where as the place im living sucks. i feel like i dont fit in nashville . they hate hippies. can we just start an ilf state please where we have a nightly jam spot? worst part about it is i invested in so many business here i dont think i can move anytime soon. i mean i can but id be losing so much money id basically be starting from new; and to be honest ive been considering it but drawing near to 30 ive been trying to further my investments instead of skipping town. plus i kinda have alota money tide up here in buildings and companies and shit. fuck fuck fuck.

“A man will rip off your arm and throw it into a river, but he will leave you as a human being intact. He won't mess with who you are. Women are non-violent but they will shit inside of your heart.”
- Louis C.K.

I've mostly stopped my own drinking bender. I was going through a bottle of rum or gin plus some beer every night and it was costing me too much. I don't really feel any better. If anything worse. But I'm keeping myself mostly stable, which is good I guess.

NOT. ENOUGH. TIME. IN. THE. DAY. FUCK. FUCK WORK.

jfrey wrote:“A man will rip off your arm and throw it into a river, but he will leave you as a human being intact. He won't mess with who you are. Women are non-violent but they will shit inside of your heart.”

Myeah, but the woman can only hurt you if you let her.

John wrote:

jfrey wrote:“A man will rip off your arm and throw it into a river, but he will leave you as a human being intact. He won't mess with who you are. Women are non-violent but they will shit inside of your heart.”

Myeah, but the woman can only hurt you if you let her.

Unfortunately it's something you open yourself up to just by caring about them.

I take it you didn't send her that dick pic?

D.o.S. wrote:I take it you didn't send her that dick pic?

Haha no.

jfrey wrote:

John wrote:

jfrey wrote:“A man will rip off your arm and throw it into a river, but he will leave you as a human being intact. He won't mess with who you are. Women are non-violent but they will shit inside of your heart.”

Myeah, but the woman can only hurt you if you let her.

Unfortunately it's something you open yourself up to just by caring about them.

I'd swap "caring for them" with "depending on them for your own needs." I care about a lot of fucked up people, but it doesn't negatively impact my life much because I don't depend on them for my own sense of self-whatevers. To be with a woman, whether she is the most stable or the most fragile, means you have to be your own person as well. 2 halves do not make a whole.

John wrote:

jfrey wrote:

John wrote:

jfrey wrote:“A man will rip off your arm and throw it into a river, but he will leave you as a human being intact. He won't mess with who you are. Women are non-violent but they will shit inside of your heart.”

Myeah, but the woman can only hurt you if you let her.

Unfortunately it's something you open yourself up to just by caring about them.

I'd swap "caring for them" with "depending on them for your own needs." I care about a lot of fucked up people, but it doesn't negatively impact my life much because I don't depend on them for my own sense of self-whatevers. To be with a woman, whether she is the most stable or the most fragile, means you have to be your own person as well. 2 halves do not make a whole.

I don't know. Other people don't affect me in any way. Only girlfriends ever have, and even then only 2 of them - and the first one was when I was younger and I think had an immature attachment to the relationship. I don't think any differently of myself now. My sense of self isn't any different. But, despite that I have the same ego that I always have, bordering maybe on outright arrogance, and the same sense of self worth, I am just left with the sense that I won't ever be as happy again as I was just a few months ago.

jfrey wrote:

John wrote:

jfrey wrote:

John wrote:

jfrey wrote:“A man will rip off your arm and throw it into a river, but he will leave you as a human being intact. He won't mess with who you are. Women are non-violent but they will shit inside of your heart.”

Myeah, but the woman can only hurt you if you let her.

Unfortunately it's something you open yourself up to just by caring about them.

I'd swap "caring for them" with "depending on them for your own needs." I care about a lot of fucked up people, but it doesn't negatively impact my life much because I don't depend on them for my own sense of self-whatevers. To be with a woman, whether she is the most stable or the most fragile, means you have to be your own person as well. 2 halves do not make a whole.

I don't know. Other people don't affect me in any way. Only girlfriends ever have, and even then only 2 of them - and the first one was when I was younger and I think had an immature attachment to the relationship. I don't think any differently of myself now. My sense of self isn't any different. But, despite that I have the same ego that I always have, bordering maybe on outright arrogance, and the same sense of self worth, I am just left with the sense that I won't ever be as happy again as I was just a few months ago.

Aw, true happiness doesn't come or go in just a few months, with the exception of something catastrophic I guess. If you were capable of joy aaaalll the way back then, then you're either capable of it again in the future, or incapable of real happiness in general, which would mean there is some self-development you would benefit from. My 2¢

Played with a metronome today. Not bad, but I totally suck. Must... keep... going...

beep boop boop boop beep boop boop boop...