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Crashed my truck today.
Started sliding in and had to plant it firmly against a pole.
It was either that or careen into the rear of someone else's car.

I read through an old conversation I had with an ex during our break up. It was two years ago and I've changed since then but fuck, I was so bad at communicating, and I was doing it on purpose. That shit ended way worse than it needed to. Now that I'm getting into a relationship again I'm slightly worried I'll make these stupid kind of mistakes I'll look back on and say "you dumb ass, you totally could have handled this way better."

Of course this is very reactionary and really those mistakes are going to happen, its how to learn, but ugh. The idea of hurting someone else/myself the way I did in that past relationship is something I do not want happening again. There's nothing saying it will, just a worry. But I'm also running on three hours of sleep, and tired as balls, and this is all so fresh and I need to filter it through my reasoning when I'm not exhausted.

TL;DR a shite stream of consciousness rant

i'm very depressed and worried. it's ironic that i have my board sorted at last and i'll probably kill myself before i even get to use it much.

up all night
the ringin in myy ears is drivin me bonkers
soundds like a teakettle goin off in next room
i caught up on banshee,sons of anarchy
and doing blacklist right now
tomorrow or today i should say
is. gonna suck so bad

Just got my midterm back from my core micro class If I can't pull it out for the final I'm going to have to drop down to the master's program if they'll let me also, outside of secret Santa I'm going to have to ban myself from social media till after finals. So for now

Kbit, since you know where your weakness was in the past, you can only improve! So don't stress it too much, you've got this!

Dubs, I feel like you're overdue for some happiness. Way overdue!

I need to learn how to be alone and be okay with it

Also
Fuck food allergies/intolerances right in the face

i need to learn how to deal with the fact that the things i loved most about my past are gone. it's not that it can't be any good ever again, but it's like the thing of never finding a companion animal like the one you loved and lost. i still miss THAT house, and THAT woman, and THAT situation...

Well I want to know what love is.




AND I WANT YOU TO SHOW MEAH!



I was stood up for the first time ever the other day. That was kind of a bummer.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MBbe9jtr2E[/youtube]

You can't just drop the Huskers on a breaux like that.

Right in the feels.

It's cool, though. I was out of town at a bar anyway, so I made some quick "oh hey I should find a place to sleep" plans and proceeded to drink whiskey 'til five in the morning.

I have some solid friends.

one thing that's hard for me about Pocatello is the lack of a peer group. there's the Tuesday Night acoustic jam guys, who are all settlrd with families and careers, but i don't really fit with them. and Rob is great, but because of his (as he'd put it) crippled-ness he's more or less housebound and cruisin' for burgers is right out. i spend too much time alone, or chatting with the slum-folk who populate my apartment building.

Yeah that shit sucks. They definitely bailed me out of what would've been a not-so-rad scene, especially since I hadn't seen either of them (they're a couple) in over a year.

Very cool folks. Exemplary, even.

I like that your original out of town sleeping plans were "nail a chick"