chuckjaywalk wrote:I'm currently at my father's house, trying to figure out how to restart my life. Again. My wife smashed and burned my laptop and my guitar. She threw my pedals into the river. I have my clothes and my dog. My sketchbooks and journals have been destroyed. I was job hunting pretty intensely but I can't without my laptop. I'm ruined.
Can you press charges? I know that doesn't help with the custody side of things, but you cannot let her run you over either.
Donation of things needed???
Pressing charges would be a moot point. She is despondent and borderline suicidal, at this point. If I called the police, she would likely kill herself instead of dealing with things. I have the car (it is in my name only) and my dog and clothes. I don't know what else I need. I'm going to have to use the library computer to continue job hunting. My laptop contained all of my music, writing, art, and photos. I have to let that go. I'm concerned for her safety and my ability to pay the bills. It's a mess.
Sorry not trying to get too involved in your business or anything here.
I thought your wife lived in the KC area? Or did you get re-married??? Did she follow you? Either way, I'm sorry man.
Also, it's respectable that you still care enough to not want any harm to befall her. Know though that it's out of your control if someone feels that way. It's a sad thing, but there's normally not much a person can do to sway that emotion.
My brother is going through a divorce right now and it's an absolute fucking nightmare. I thought I was more on her side of things, then she's been doing everything in her power to hurt anyone and everyone around him. I realize now, there are no sides. They are both wounded and everyone involved on any level is going to have this emotional damage done to them. Especially the kids.
"I do not have the ability to think rationally 90% of the time and I also change my mind at the drop of a hat".
neonblack wrote:Please tell me she didn't get the Fuck Mountain
Nah. That doesn't exist, yet. It was all mass market Boss stuff. As an unemployed person trying to find my footing, it is all irreplaceable though. I quit my job to make this move together.
I am so sorry this is happening to you. Not that it is particularly helpful at the moment, but we can send you a few pedals to get you back on your feet when you are ready. We have a few DE:FX PCBs laying around, if you have any interest in those (we can build them, too).
Remember to have healthy boundaries as you navigate this mess with her. Just because she has mental health problems does NOT mean that you have to bleed out emotionally to take care of her. You cannot help her if you ruin yourself in the process.
jwar: My first wife lived in KC. When we divorced 2.5 years ago, she moved to Florida and I moved to New York. My current wife and I were married in March.
aens_wife: Thank you for the thoughts and offer. I'm humbled by the love in this community. Not only do you make amazing products (Pitchgrinder was the most intense thing I ever used, ever) but you are an awesome person. I'll pm my address when I am sure where I am sleeping. The part about not bleeding out really hit home. I think I needed to read that.
All: We are both currently safe. I came back to the house to check on her. She is sober and fed. I helped get her online courses working so she can work from home today. I'm hopped up on Mountain Dew and trying to fix my resume on my iPhone. Seriously, I love you guys and gals and Russian propaganda robots so so much.
My force of habit, I am an insect
I have to confess I'm proud as hell of that fact
Is she in counseling? Does she have a support system to lean on?
I only ask because you aren't going to be able to make sure she is ok on your own. If I remember correctly, your relationship is fairly new (in the grand scheme of things). What did she do when she lost it before? I would bet a lot that this isn't the first time she has done something like this.
I know it is your job to stand by the people you love, but it might be a good time to read up on healthy boundaries and mental illness, friend. You have to find a way to support them and stand by them while taking care of yourself too.
aens_wife wrote:Is she in counseling? Does she have a support system to lean on?
I only ask because you aren't going to be able to make sure she is ok on your own. If I remember correctly, your relationship is fairly new (in the grand scheme of things). What did she do when she lost it before? I would bet a lot that this isn't the first time she has done something like this.
I know it is your job to stand by the people you love, but it might be a good time to read up on healthy boundaries and mental illness, friend. You have to find a way to support them and stand by them while taking care of yourself too.
I am headed to the library now to find some advice for maintaining my boundaries and being part of a support network. She has a therapist back in New York and is on medication. A mental health support plan is definitely on the list of things we need to discuss.
My force of habit, I am an insect
I have to confess I'm proud as hell of that fact
aens_wife wrote:Is she in counseling? Does she have a support system to lean on?
I only ask because you aren't going to be able to make sure she is ok on your own. If I remember correctly, your relationship is fairly new (in the grand scheme of things). What did she do when she lost it before? I would bet a lot that this isn't the first time she has done something like this.
I know it is your job to stand by the people you love, but it might be a good time to read up on healthy boundaries and mental illness, friend. You have to find a way to support them and stand by them while taking care of yourself too.
That is very very very sound advice.
Hang in there, Chuck. There's a better tomorrow coming your way
I cooked dinner last night and we talked. There is a lot to work through and support systems need to be put in place for both of our good. I drove her to work and I have the day to work on the things I need to get done. I'm going to have to set limits and boundaries. Right now, everyone is bathing, eating, and sleeping, so that is solid. I have reminders that this is a long road to walk. Every time I want to listen to a song that I no longer have or play guitar and can't because I don't have a strap or cables, I am reminded of that. I think I might create a thread for this. That way, I'm not associating the path forward with negativity and I'm not taking over this one.
My force of habit, I am an insect
I have to confess I'm proud as hell of that fact
chuckjaywalk wrote:I cooked dinner last night and we talked. There is a lot to work through and support systems need to be put in place for both of our good. I drove her to work and I have the day to work on the things I need to get done. I'm going to have to set limits and boundaries. Right now, everyone is bathing, eating, and sleeping, so that is solid. I have reminders that this is a long road to walk. Every time I want to listen to a song that I no longer have or play guitar and can't because I don't have a strap or cables, I am reminded of that. I think I might create a thread for this. That way, I'm not associating the path forward with negativity and I'm not taking over this one.
keep your fuzz brethren posted, man.
if there's stuff you know you want people can keep you posted if they find it on the cheap locally or whatever -- try to help you score some former loot back.
this community is one of the greatest. we look out for our own -- even if it just means loaning you some gear for a hot minute. i know how important music is to the people around here -- myself included. would suck to see anybody left out.
chuckjaywalk wrote:I cooked dinner last night and we talked. There is a lot to work through and support systems need to be put in place for both of our good. I drove her to work and I have the day to work on the things I need to get done. I'm going to have to set limits and boundaries. Right now, everyone is bathing, eating, and sleeping, so that is solid. I have reminders that this is a long road to walk. Every time I want to listen to a song that I no longer have or play guitar and can't because I don't have a strap or cables, I am reminded of that. I think I might create a thread for this. That way, I'm not associating the path forward with negativity and I'm not taking over this one.
keep your fuzz brethren posted, man.
if there's stuff you know you want people can keep you posted if they find it on the cheap locally or whatever -- try to help you score some former loot back.
this community is one of the greatest. we look out for our own -- even if it just means loaning you some gear for a hot minute. i know how important music is to the people around here -- myself included. would suck to see anybody left out.
I think that is a really good idea. Thank you.
My force of habit, I am an insect
I have to confess I'm proud as hell of that fact
for some stupid fucking reason i looked up my ex on instagram earlier and then driving home a few minutes ago i rear ended someone. fucking great. self loathing is in full swing.
D.o.S. wrote:Why do people eat steak that shit is gross
behndy wrote:
lol. she thinks Brazil is wayyyy too unsafe. but i got PLANS.
MechaGodzilla wrote:man, fuck those big neutrik plugs
